How Vanna White double crossed me
This is a cross-post from My personal blog, so the folk what frequent that blog already understand that I refer to my white minivan as Vanna White. No offense to anyone living, dead, or otherwise is meant. I simply like literal names; i.e: my car was named Carla. See. You see what I mean? It only makes sense that my white van is thusly dubbed Vanna White. I am powerless to the unfortunate coincidence that an actual person is named after a white minivan. But also it’s funny when I say “I ride Vanna White all over town.” See. You see what I mean.
Driving the 210 to the 118, Vanna White and I enjoy the scenery and the thrill of actual movement along the freeway after her little ‘dr visit’ yesterday. We both are, presumably, thankful she’s up and running. When all of a sudden a small audible “ding” brought us back to reality.
I noticed the check engine light had popped its vile head up. Again. For a moment this light was brighter than the sun. My whole world reduced to that source of light. Vanna continued to purr down the freeway, out of pure spite of the offensive light marring the visage of her dashboard, as if to say “Shh, don’t worry, I will get you there, afterall I love you.” But of course she’d never say that aloud.
There was an unspoken agreement between Vanna White and I; mainly because Vanna can not actually form words, but also because the bond between a Female Rigger and her Minivan is stronger than one realizes and transcends the need for words. No, neither Vanna nor I would be put off by this light, this blazing signal that something was amiss. Indeed Vanna powered through and we made it to the shoot today. She rests now, oh brave transporter of the me I be.
Today I’m shooting and tying up a lovely redhead, blue eyed, Irish girl with an endearing smile and a silly personality. Her name is Ivy and she talks like my dad does when he’s drunker’n’hell (you gotta say that real fast but remember, the last word has two syllables).
The other model on set is a recurring character called Dangerous Diva. It is my sworn duty to protect Ivy from Diva, but, as is often the case in life and porn, sometimes things don’t work out as planned. In essence Diva captures both Ivy and me.
Unbeknownst to Vanna White, in her brave toil to get her owner to work on time, she has merely delivered her owner to be tied and gagged by a masked captor. Thanks a bunch Vanna. I hope you are resting well.
You can think about what you’ve done while you are strapped and suspended in a filthy garage as your insides are drained and poked by strange dirty men in uniforms. You know, at the car shop. Lucky for you its triple-a, not trple-x huh Vanna. Slut.